“Eighty-eight! Eighty-eight! Eighty-eight! Eighty-eight!”

My 20^th high school reunion was held this past Saturday, the 2^nd of August 2008. We actually had a good time! Although I wasn’t exactly nervous, as I said previously, I didn’t want to act like a dork. I’ve never been good at meeting people - small talk and all that – and in some sense, this was just like meeting these people for the first time. I faltered for a moment when my wife and I first walked up to the check-in table – said HI to Shilas, Mary, Becky, then there was a long uncertain pause. With my military (-like) training, I recognized the potential uncomfortability and quickly moved on. From there, it was smooth! Met Brent and Eric, said hello to Tammy. Saw Chuck Reno, Trini Lopez, a couple people I didn’t even know back then. Some were easily recognizable – Suzanne Kalinowski looked almost exactly the same! – and some were totally different. We ended up talking and hanging with Deeana Mylnarek (?), one of the don’t-remember-at-all’s. 3 boys, never been married, thin as a rail. They had a slide show running on a big TV. It seemed to be mostly images of the IN crowd (not judging – it was they who put the reunion together after all!) but later I saw a blow-up of the pic of Eric and myself playing quiz bowl. They were all at least semi-friendly and polite. They kept taking pictures of the nerd crew together. Damn…

Finally, as we were about to start eating, Dave Velliquette showed up, Carisa in tow. We all were surprised that he actually came! And it was very nice to finally meet Carisa (insert high-pitch silly voice)

We didn’t really talk to very many people, beyond the guys we already knew. It would be interesting to know about people’s careers, kids, etc… Of course there was speculation about certain people – Ed Sneed seems to be a manager at Arbys AND McDonalds. But I’d be interested to know what happened to people who didn’t come, and more about the people who did! I showed a few people the pics of our twins, but I never got to say “I’m a librarian at a hospital” !

There were some odd memories brought back, some not remembered in at least 10 years (the last significant attempted reunion) . I forget some of the things we talked about, but…Eric’s mention of May the Farce be with you – the 8^th grade drama production…Dave’s mention of the kid who tried to tag with us when we went to Frankenmouth – and our efforts to lose him…Stealing test answers in calculus class… (feel free to expound on these memories in the comments!)

The next day, Jen and I were looking through our year books. They are starting to smell musty, like the wondrous, aged smell of my uncle’s sagas as I leafed through them back in the early 80’s. I haven’t looked at these books in probably 10 years – not since the last attempted reunion. Some of the moments in the pics I actually remember – frozen in time, brought of the mind-freezer every once in a while to not-quite thaw – but most of them are now memories of memories – it is the memory of looking through those books so many times in the 4-5 years following graduation. The memory of remembering those days, which fades quicker than that actual memory. (My kingdom for a Pensieve!) Nevertheless, after not seeing them in 10 years, they bring back certain feelings, thoughts of all the possibilities, and ultimately the regrets. The signatures, the autographs, the signings! I’m no romantic, but the nuances in some of them make me want to rap my head against the old blue lockers! I dated Shelly Michalek in 9^th grade, and a couple of the signatures mentioned the breakup. Why I broke up with her, I don’t know! Why did I stay with Kelli, a silly 8^th grader? A couple of the signatures said I was cute and nice… As Charlie Brown might say; UGGHH! I could have even been with Jennifer back then! We often lament that choice, as we could have balanced each other far sooner! As Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater said “I once thought it better to regret the things that I have done, than haven’t.” There are very few things that I HAVE done that I regret. One learns from all of one’s experiences, after all. But one can not learn from things one has NOT done. There are many regrets for things that I HAVE NOT done, things that cannot be un-not done, like all the stuff in high school that I didn’t do.

10 years ago, I would sometimes be overcome by those regrets. Now, with my life intractable and full, those feelings are just another beacon calling out to my tapping fingers. “Come, old Steve, come…tell the world about your feelings…catharsis is a lovely word…come, and remember…and forget…