The one New Year’s Goal that I have been able to stick to, for the most part, is about not letting outside forces control how I react to things. I am NOT the foil of some cosmic sit-com, despite the laugh-track from my socially stunted brothers. (hey, I kid!) Unfortunately, this goal also keeps me from ‘putting it in God’s hands’. That’s just weakness, essentially. I am constantly on Nick’s case about how he reacts to things – it only gets HIM into trouble. I figure I should lead by example. I have not uttered my infamous Rant of Helplessness in quite some time, which used to reference the giant joke on poor lil me.

Still, I find it difficult to focus on writing when there are so many uncertainties going on in my life. That further frustrates me about the time in my life when I HAD a job – there were few frustrations, so I should have done more writing. I try to avoid looking backward, but it’s better to regret the things one has done, rather than regret the things one has NOT done.

I need to overcome that hesitation, though. I always wanted to avoid that pain that I knew creative minds had to go through, always thought I could separate myself from it, my work from my life. My life is what I should be writing about, though. That’s where the struggle, the change, and the depth really are.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for about 8 years now, seriously thought that I could do it. I haven’t, so maybe it’s time to put up or shut up. Do it. Or do not. There is not try.

And maybe (maybe!) it’s time to put the Star Wars references to bed.